So, yesterday morning, I was sitting peacefully in my kitchen, stuffing all of my books into my backpack for schooltimes.
Suddenly,
The back of my leg was met with blinding pain!
It felt like the Hulk stole Thor's hammer and attached a giant needle to the end of it, then slammed it into my leg.
And then set my leg on fire.
I limped back to my parents' room and started complaining to my dad when suddenly,
IT FREAKING HAPPENED AGAIN!
At this point, I was panicking. I reached back and touched my leg, and lo and behold, I felt a bug-sized lump.
And that's when I blew a gasket.
I charged like a war horse into my parents bathroom and pulled of my precious pantaloons.
There, nestled comfortably in the folds of fabric...
Was the most terrifying monster I had ever seen.
The second of my two gaskets was blown.
I immediately smooshed the life out of that merciless creature, removing its life essence.
I then flailed about for about five minutes, gibbering senselessly before realizing I should probably check out my wounds.
The back of my leg had two lovely little welts. Red. Swollen. Painful.
I pulled back on my leg coverings and bust open the door,
using my best caveman language and hand signal skills, I directed my dad to the bathroom to observe the devilish insect.
It was curled up in peaceful death, the joy apparent on its little bug face. It had done its so-called duty.
I was panicking.
I'm sure my dad thought I was crazy. But he couldn't identify the species, which freaked me out more.
I was pretty sure my leg was going to shrivel up like Dumbledore's hand, or simply fall off and roll away like sagebrush.
My dad told me to go to school. If it exploded or something, I guess I could come home. Maybe in several buckets, but still.
The research I did in second hour didn't help. All google could show me was the ghastly wounds inflicted by poisonous spiders, a.k.a... nerve damage, gaping wounds, blood, gore, demons, hallucinations, etc.
I was near hysteria when a bright little idea popped in my head.
We have a science teacher in my school who is real good with bug knowledge and the like, so during lunch, I went and picked up the bug, (which I made my dad keep in case I had been infiltrated by poison,) and brought it to said teacher.
After studying it for a moment, he said calmly: "Oh, that's an assassin bug!"
ASSASSIN!?!?! Wha... Ah... AAAAAAH! Assassins kill people!!!
"Yes, he replied calmly, and then with a little excitement, I've never seen one in a... (I think the word he used was nymph) stage before!
And then his teacher friend got all excited. "Ooh! Ooh! Lemme see!"
I was standing there with my jaw dropped, smoke coming out of my ears from all the overloaded circuits.
Finally I busted out. "So... what? Am I gonna die? Shrivel? Is my leg gonna turn black and fall off?"
He laughed and said "No, but it's strange, I've never heard of one taking a bite out of a person before."
Probably because it was trapped in my pants.
I let him keep the bug, you know, as a reward.
I am pleased to tell you, I'm still alive.
Suddenly,
The back of my leg was met with blinding pain!
It felt like the Hulk stole Thor's hammer and attached a giant needle to the end of it, then slammed it into my leg.
And then set my leg on fire.
I limped back to my parents' room and started complaining to my dad when suddenly,
IT FREAKING HAPPENED AGAIN!
At this point, I was panicking. I reached back and touched my leg, and lo and behold, I felt a bug-sized lump.
And that's when I blew a gasket.
I charged like a war horse into my parents bathroom and pulled of my precious pantaloons.
There, nestled comfortably in the folds of fabric...
Was the most terrifying monster I had ever seen.
The second of my two gaskets was blown.
I immediately smooshed the life out of that merciless creature, removing its life essence.
I then flailed about for about five minutes, gibbering senselessly before realizing I should probably check out my wounds.
The back of my leg had two lovely little welts. Red. Swollen. Painful.
I pulled back on my leg coverings and bust open the door,
using my best caveman language and hand signal skills, I directed my dad to the bathroom to observe the devilish insect.
It was curled up in peaceful death, the joy apparent on its little bug face. It had done its so-called duty.
I was panicking.
I'm sure my dad thought I was crazy. But he couldn't identify the species, which freaked me out more.
I was pretty sure my leg was going to shrivel up like Dumbledore's hand, or simply fall off and roll away like sagebrush.
My dad told me to go to school. If it exploded or something, I guess I could come home. Maybe in several buckets, but still.
The research I did in second hour didn't help. All google could show me was the ghastly wounds inflicted by poisonous spiders, a.k.a... nerve damage, gaping wounds, blood, gore, demons, hallucinations, etc.
I was near hysteria when a bright little idea popped in my head.
We have a science teacher in my school who is real good with bug knowledge and the like, so during lunch, I went and picked up the bug, (which I made my dad keep in case I had been infiltrated by poison,) and brought it to said teacher.
After studying it for a moment, he said calmly: "Oh, that's an assassin bug!"
ASSASSIN!?!?! Wha... Ah... AAAAAAH! Assassins kill people!!!
"Yes, he replied calmly, and then with a little excitement, I've never seen one in a... (I think the word he used was nymph) stage before!
And then his teacher friend got all excited. "Ooh! Ooh! Lemme see!"
I was standing there with my jaw dropped, smoke coming out of my ears from all the overloaded circuits.
Finally I busted out. "So... what? Am I gonna die? Shrivel? Is my leg gonna turn black and fall off?"
He laughed and said "No, but it's strange, I've never heard of one taking a bite out of a person before."
Probably because it was trapped in my pants.
I let him keep the bug, you know, as a reward.
I am pleased to tell you, I'm still alive.
3 comments:
that is probably one of the most terrifying things that has ever happened ever!!!!!!! I am so pleased that you are still alive, I would have died just seein that creature of death. You won that fight!
Yes, Tia would probably have died of panic -- or at least screamed loud enough to kill anyone close by. How violent this all sounds. I'm glad you survived the bite of an assassin.
Ew, ew, ew, ew, EWWWW! I just looked at pictures of the bug. EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWA! I had this really bad dream when I was little (yes, it's still vividly implanted in my brain) where all of these bugs began flying up my pant legs, and when I finally pulled up the legs of my pants to see what was going on in there, all of these bugs were nestled in my legs! Then it got really weird...the scene turned sort of...1970s cartoony and my legs were really long and I was jumping around everywhere because, you know, I had bugs nesting in my legs.
Your reality is my nightmare.
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