So I'm a little bit addicted to the internet, okay?
Some of us like being buried in a stimulating, yet brain-deadening heap of sound, opinion, and hilarity.
Also, Netflix.
Yes, I'll admit it, I loves the Netflixes. There's all sorts of good things on there for me and my cat to watch together.
As if I needed an easy way to watch every season of gems such as LOST, Dr. Who, and X-Files and Bones.
I need to find a way to hide my laptop from myself.
Anyway, this morning's conviction to deep clean my room swiftly morphed into a severe desire to sit on my butt for as long as possible and melt my brain staring at the warm, comforting glow of my lappy's monitor.
As I settled down for my routine browse of Netflix's seductive, seductive collections, I realized something.
Something that made my heart melt and burn like a barbie on the 4th of July.
Netflix's descriptions of their media are so, so, SO blah.
It's like they wrote their descriptions, shot them (twice,) threw them in the dirtiest, smelliest, most germ infested lake they could find, shot them again, and then let the fish nibble on them for a few days before dragging their corpses out of the muck and slapping their dripping remains above the movie of their choice.
Here are a few that I grabbed for your reading pleasure.
From Time to Time: "When Tolly returns to his family's ancestral home to visit his grandmother, he manages to travel through time to uncover the mansion's secrets."
-Eh, he just manages to do a little time travel and uncover some secrets.
The Dark Crystal: "In this mythical tale, Jen, the last of the Gelfling race, is charged with healing the Crystal of Truth after its mutilation set off an era of terror."
-Eh. Era of Terror. Crystal of Truth. Any half-a doctor with a sub-standard degree could heal the Crystal of Truth.
Bleak House: "An orphaned girl finds a happy home with a wealthy man and his wards, never suspecting the truth about her origins -- or knowing her fate."
-Because, unlike the rest of us humans, orphaned girls are blind to their fates.
The Rebound: "A single mother living in New York City surprises everyone when she becomes romantically involved with a neighbor who's many years her junior."
-Oh the steamy, steamy intrigue of surprising everyone with romantic involvement. Surprise! I can get a man!
The Englishman: "An English cartographer upsets an entire Welsh community when he measures the town's peak and declares it 16 feet shy of mountain status."
-I can just imagine the Welsh people's sad, sad little voices. "We're upset! Our mountain was stripped of its status! Curse you Englishman!"
White Collar: "To avoid jail, an ultra-suave con man signs on to help an FBI agent catch other white-collar thieves but he conceals an ulterior motive."
-Saying "ultra-suave" makes this show sound anything but.
The X-Files: "Tracing both their personal and professional lives, this award-winning Fox series centers on FBI agents Scully (Gillian Anderson), a skeptic, and Mulder (David Duchovny), a believer, and their efforts to uncover a government conspiracy to hide evidence of extraterrestrial activity. From voodoo curses to bodies found in California that are missing various internal organs, the chilling show also stars Mitch Pileggi and Robert Patrick."
-As an English major, this one just hurts my pride.
Oh, Netflix. I no longer have to watch your movies and shows to get my entertainment, I can just scroll through and read your descriptions and board the roller coaster of emotion.
Some of us like being buried in a stimulating, yet brain-deadening heap of sound, opinion, and hilarity.
Also, Netflix.
Yes, I'll admit it, I loves the Netflixes. There's all sorts of good things on there for me and my cat to watch together.
As if I needed an easy way to watch every season of gems such as LOST, Dr. Who, and X-Files and Bones.
I need to find a way to hide my laptop from myself.
Anyway, this morning's conviction to deep clean my room swiftly morphed into a severe desire to sit on my butt for as long as possible and melt my brain staring at the warm, comforting glow of my lappy's monitor.
As I settled down for my routine browse of Netflix's seductive, seductive collections, I realized something.
Something that made my heart melt and burn like a barbie on the 4th of July.
Netflix's descriptions of their media are so, so, SO blah.
It's like they wrote their descriptions, shot them (twice,) threw them in the dirtiest, smelliest, most germ infested lake they could find, shot them again, and then let the fish nibble on them for a few days before dragging their corpses out of the muck and slapping their dripping remains above the movie of their choice.
Here are a few that I grabbed for your reading pleasure.
From Time to Time: "When Tolly returns to his family's ancestral home to visit his grandmother, he manages to travel through time to uncover the mansion's secrets."
-Eh, he just manages to do a little time travel and uncover some secrets.
The Dark Crystal: "In this mythical tale, Jen, the last of the Gelfling race, is charged with healing the Crystal of Truth after its mutilation set off an era of terror."
-Eh. Era of Terror. Crystal of Truth. Any half-a doctor with a sub-standard degree could heal the Crystal of Truth.
Bleak House: "An orphaned girl finds a happy home with a wealthy man and his wards, never suspecting the truth about her origins -- or knowing her fate."
-Because, unlike the rest of us humans, orphaned girls are blind to their fates.
The Rebound: "A single mother living in New York City surprises everyone when she becomes romantically involved with a neighbor who's many years her junior."
-Oh the steamy, steamy intrigue of surprising everyone with romantic involvement. Surprise! I can get a man!
The Englishman: "An English cartographer upsets an entire Welsh community when he measures the town's peak and declares it 16 feet shy of mountain status."
-I can just imagine the Welsh people's sad, sad little voices. "We're upset! Our mountain was stripped of its status! Curse you Englishman!"
White Collar: "To avoid jail, an ultra-suave con man signs on to help an FBI agent catch other white-collar thieves but he conceals an ulterior motive."
-Saying "ultra-suave" makes this show sound anything but.
The X-Files: "Tracing both their personal and professional lives, this award-winning Fox series centers on FBI agents Scully (Gillian Anderson), a skeptic, and Mulder (David Duchovny), a believer, and their efforts to uncover a government conspiracy to hide evidence of extraterrestrial activity. From voodoo curses to bodies found in California that are missing various internal organs, the chilling show also stars Mitch Pileggi and Robert Patrick."
-As an English major, this one just hurts my pride.
Oh, Netflix. I no longer have to watch your movies and shows to get my entertainment, I can just scroll through and read your descriptions and board the roller coaster of emotion.
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