It's Story Time!

Allow me to tell you a couple of stories.
I may have told them before.
If so, we're going to re-visit them.
Once upon a time, I was a waitress at a Chinese restaurant.
I was a cute young baby, all innocent and fifteen (and then sixteen) and adorable.

Unfortunately, I've always looked ancient. Not old people ancient, I guess. Just college-age ancient.
The problem was, it wasn't the college-age ancients that hit on me. Oh no.
It was the ancient ancients.

Once upon a time, there was an old man. I sat him, all wrinkled and alone, at a table near the front of the restaurant, and then proceeded to bring him his water.
He stared at the menu for a few moments, and then declared he was ready to order.
Strangest order ever.
A big bowl of noodles topped with three hard boiled eggs,
and some other random stuff I don't remember.
Anyhow, as soon as I brought out his food, he got this mischievous smile on his face.
It looked weird amongst the wrinkles.
With a sly wink and a leery stare, he scooted over and patted the seat next to him.
"Well, eh... now that you're here... would you mind sitting next to me and feeding me? I'm old, you know."
His mischievous smile turned into an attempt to be seductive.
Blushing in all of my teenage awkwardness, I made the excuse that I was busy, (suave, the entire place was empty) and dashed off behind the counter.
Later, when he asked for some napkins, and I agreed to bring them to him, he glared at me.
OH, so... now you're free? I see how it works.
He pouted and turned back to his giant bowl of noodles.

Once upon another time, I had just finished my shift at said Chinese restaurant.
I was sitting in a chair waiting for my parents to come pick me up. (Because, you know, I was cool and awesome and didn't have a license.
A man that I was hoping to avoid came up to me.
You see, although I hadn't been assigned his table, nor had I brought him his food, he kept calling me over to ask for things like "knives" and "napkins." Weird, right?
No, the weird part was that he kept dabbing his ridiculously sweaty face.
And also the drool that dripped from one corner of his mouth.
That's probably the part that freaked me out the most.
SO. As I sat in said chair waiting for said parents to come, said sweaty man came up.
"Wait, what are you here waiting for?" He asked, sort of flirtily.
I told him. "I'm waiting for my parents to come pick me up!"
His face turned all confused and worried.
"You...still live with your parents?"
I blushed.
"Um... yeah... I'm only sixteen."
This is when all hell broke loose.
"Dangit!" He yelled, punching the door. "Dangit, I'm too old for you! GOSH!"
And with that, he pushed his way through the door using his feet.
Yes, no hands involved.
It was weird.
I was speechless.